Discussion Questions
1. What
was it that caused Her’s father to go bowling a second time?
·
“I think it was much more
than bowling that father enjoyed. It was the emotional closeness that he felt
with us which made him come back to bowl again” Her said in the paragraph 8. He
went back to bowl again because he must’ve felt like it was like the old times
when he and his children had fun. He realized that he didn’t have to be in Laos
to have fun with his family and be close to his children.
2. Do
you agree with Her that it must have been “frightening” for her father to live
with children who had adopted American culture and an American lifestyle? In a
sentence or two, explain how he must have felt.
·
Yes, I do agree with Her.
The father was used to the life in Laos and maybe when they moved he didn’t
know how to react and how to be in America. He moved from his comfort zone to
another place that was new for him and for his children. He had to be nervous
because he didn’t know how it was or what to expect with time, that what he was
overprotecting.
3. Why
does the author felt “odd” teaching her father how to bowl? Have you ever
taught a parent or grandparent something new-perhaps how to use a cell phone,
send an email, or conduct an internet search? Explain the feeling that you
experienced as you did this. Were you proud? Excited? Embarrassed?
·
The author uses the word
“foreign” that can means weird, strange, bizarre or even odd. She felt like that because she never thought
she was going to teach something to her dad and less when it was bowling
something “American”. Yes, I have taught to my mom how to do works for the
university in microsoft word and power point when she was starting studying
again. I felt proud at my mom because she wanted to learn and to improve her
skills and I felt excited because I was the one that taught her how to do it
and because I was her in that time.
"A Letter to Improve my Relationship with my Father"
My mom and
my dad got separated (they never got married) when I was 3 years old. They got
shared custody but since then I live with my mom in Fajardo. Summer, Christmas
and Easter was the time that I got to spend with my dad since he lives in
Hormiguero and we’re so far away. But even that we didn’t have that much time
together (I always felt like it wasn’t enough) since I can remember I never
stayed with him, I always stayed with my great grandparents in San German.
Through all of the time I was in San German he would go see me or pick me out
to go to the movies or something 5 times or less. When I was little I even used
to fell asleep in the living room waiting for him but when the time passed I
only lost my faith in him and the hope that I had that he was going to go see
me.
The years
passed and everything got worst, we didn’t talk for more than 4 months if I
didn’t call him and when it was summer or another time I only was seeing him 2
times the hole time I was there. I grow up thinking that he didn’t love me and
that he didn’t care about being with me or going out with me. But when I got
older I started thinking and thinking and it came to me that maybe he just
didn’t know how to be a father or how to give love to me, being his only
daughter, but then my stepmom got pregnant and she gave birth to a sweet little
angel that I adore with all my life. Then I realized that my “hypothesis” was
wrong and he did knows how to be a father and how to love a child, he just
doesn’t love me or know how to be a father to me.
When I
turned 15 years old I had a Quinceañero and days before the party I send him a
letter telling him how I was feeling, that I missed him and that I needed him
in my life and when he responded he just told me that he’s not perfect and that
he was going to try his best to be “better”, but for me nothing got better, everything
just got worst and worst. I talked to him a second time and that time was by
phone and he just ignored what I said and said goodbye. My mom always told me
that he just didn’t know how to be a father because that what he learned from
his father but she’s wrong because maybe he didn’t had his father with him, but
he still had the best dad ever, his grandfather (my great grandfather) and he
had a really good role model there, he still does. But time passes and we
learned from people, mistakes, disappointments and pain. With time I realized
that he wasn’t like that only with me he was like that with his grandparents
too, the people that gave him everything that he ever needed.
Sometimes,
just sometimes, you don’t get what you want and in this case I didn’t and I
will never get to have a closer/good relationship with my father. I have suffer
a lot thanks to him, but I have learned a lot of thing too. Like how maybe he’s
like that with me to get “revenge” with my mom from past things, or maybe it
could even be my stepmother. For me, he doesn’t love himself and by not loving
yourself how can you love another person? Even if it’s your own child. My
little brother is a lucky baby, our dad learned and is still learning how to do
what he didn’t do with me, be a good dad.
Improving
how your relationship is with someone else can only succeed when the other
person wants it too. In my case for what I have experience my dad didn’t and
doesn’t want to change ours. I’m 17 years old and even to this day where I know
that he doesn’t care and that he will never change, it still hurts because he’s
my dad and I wish I could feel like he is really my day and not only the person
that got my mom pregnant, gave me his last name and now he just doesn’t care.
Sometimes when you want to improve a relationship with another person it
doesn’t work and you just have to keep trying or give up. In my case I don’t
know if it’s worth it to keep trying or if it’s better to just give up.
“One thing that prevents a man from being a good
father is he hasn’t completed being a boy.”
-Iyanla Vanzant-
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